never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
When did angry sex become our thing?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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