There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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