Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
