Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
