bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
