An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i think my cat just said my name.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
