I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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