I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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