all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
