I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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