His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
