i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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