it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
