i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
In other news, I just burned my penis
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
