Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
