Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
