i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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