Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
