That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
