We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
