there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
