Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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