I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
