they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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