Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
