i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
