For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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