I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Randomize
