sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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