Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
