Do you still have your period?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Pooping to opera.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
