Already got asked if we're dating
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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