so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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