i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
