I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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