i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
