I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
