I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
