before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
