I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
