They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
