Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
