im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
