Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she told me i tasted like america
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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