its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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