she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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