I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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