Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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