I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
