I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
