I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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