i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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