please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
