dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
