I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We are two peas in an std pod
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
