I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
