There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
