I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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