Define "chronic" masturbator.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think a kid would responsible me up
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
