so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
In America we eat man semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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