Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
