I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
