Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
