Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
