He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize