Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
