I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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