You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
