Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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