My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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