my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
