I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
