College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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