Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
